I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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