we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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