i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
