So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
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I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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