worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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