I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
