thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
