he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
