i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
