i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
