sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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