i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
