3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
