somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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