So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize