guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I cut my penus on the lid.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
