ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
