I cockslap morals
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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