1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
