The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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