How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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