Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
