best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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