a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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