She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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