Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
