The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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