Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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