My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How does it feel to date your dad?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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