My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
