we made out on top of his cat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
