No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so explain again why im purple
no
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
