just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
