I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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