if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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