This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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