Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
