a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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