I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My penis needs a shock collar
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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