There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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