:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
