Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
