he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
