I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
