Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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