A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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