every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
