You're so nebulous sometimes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
