I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
