Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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