used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
