Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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