ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
