the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I touched a dick in church today
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
