Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
