Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
