i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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