you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
