If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
