I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize