I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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