Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
kristin has been a bad kristin
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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