Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There's always time for handjobs
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
