I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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