Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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