i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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