I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We are two peas in an std pod
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
