hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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