my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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