Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
