I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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